The internet. A good idea? Certainly it is resonating with me today as I exist with the grossest cold in memory (though just for overall life event contrast, I DID poop my shorts on a walk a couple weeks ago while over a mile from home and casually strolling through the Pasadena suburbs). So today I enjoy the knowledge that I can connect with you in a way that would have had zero meaning for any of the formative years of my life.

Last night I went to CVS to re-up on generic nyquil. There were a few choices, and I am a child of expansive alcoholism in the adult ranks of my family, so I had to get whatever formula seemed like it would really blow my hair off and leave me a baby possum of an adult human. I saw the words MAXIMUM STRENGTH. I grabbed the happy little gay married couple that is Dayquill shrink wrapped with Nyquill and paid a lady with braces to take them home. Kristina got a couple chocolate bars. HANDLED.

We watched seven episodes of Orphan Black yesterday. Why in the HELL have I been waiting to watch that?? It is a miracle of great entertainment! It has that Breaking Bad quality of never dwelling on one version of the storyline and constantly letting it evolve wildly. I take great inspiration from this rapid storytelling pace. I have such a slow, methodical, donkey wearing a boulder inclination when it comes to laying out STORY.

So last night after becoming bleary-eyed with TV and fatigue, I slugged a tiny cup of MAXIMUM STRENGTH (repeat: there is no greater strength than this, not even a mother lifting a car off her grocery cart or grizzly scalping an elderly gentleman and leaving him for dead face-down in a creek like on the Bio Channel’s “I Survived”) generic nyquill and went to bed. I laid on a few pillows so my schnoz wouldn’t fill with mucous, kinda like putting really large tires under the front of my car and tiny wheels in the back. I fell directly through the tiny doorway of a mushroom-filled cat planet where tiny wizards direct community theater productions of Gertrude Stein’s fever dreams. I dreamt my friend Michelle had another wedding and each table was exquisitely designed specifically for the people sitting there. I dreamt I was in an “experiential episode” of Comedy Bang Bang which meant walking around and experiencing hilarious scenarios, one of which was watching a fleet of forklifts drive by REALLY FAST (which, for the record, I did and do find very funny). There are a lot of other scenarios but ultimately who wants to hear me recount my dreams? No one. I tend to have really amazing insane dreams and these were no exception. I woke up with my eyelashes stuck together with crud, which I repeatedly cleared and it immediately returned. Fortunately I have a bottle of eye drops leftover from a trip to the Buddhist free clinic for pink eye last year. So all’s good!!

Gonna lie on the couch now. I can’t believe I finished this.