A New Fantasy

I have taken a new direction. I applied for a job at a chain of sprawling dinner clubs (that serve food all day) with bright lighting, sweet framed portraits of family men playing baseball (home runs exclusively portrayed), gentle two-stair ascensions to a heightened perimeter seating experience with wrap-around porch style railings, and bathrooms constructed with what I frankly feel is a low standard. What kind of person goes forth with their chain restaurant unaware that Americans are so grounded by a robust john?

But it really isn’t time for me to complain yet, I’ve only had this job a month.

I’m a bartender!!

I have a pair of VERY low-waist black stretchy pants that provide mobility as well as sex appeal. I have a black top with a deep V that has ruffles along the edge and a generous skim over my still-soft midriff (one day I will commit to a glass of wine and crunches every night while I watch Chelsea Lately).

My transportation to work is both inexpensive and largely sweat-free. I strap on my rollerblades, jump on a razor scooter and then mount up on a Segway. This approach of resourcefulness from the inside out mirrors my emotional preparation for anything from alcoholics to sociopaths to children.

I knew it was a risk, but I created two new drinks in this short time working at Bananaby’s.

The Darcy:

Captain Morgan
Fruit punch Gatorade
Cinnamon stick
dollop of wip (not whip, not whipped cream…it’s something I threw together with a hand blender, some marshmallow fluff, half and half and a dab of Worcestershire)
Handful of dragees
Swirl of Monster Energy Drink reduction (made with Monster Energy Drink, two truck-stop size pats of Blue Bonnet, and eight packets of C&H sugar…allow to simmer for two minutes, then add a packet of sugar every 30 seconds after that until all added and thickening)

The Darcy is served in a glass boot mug.

The Hugh Darcy (still trying to decide if it should be spelled “Hue Darcy”):

Captain Morgan
Cucumber-Lime Gatorade
dollop of sour creme (made by melting the inside of two Tofutti Cuties then thickening with corn starch)
Dash of chipotle-dusted caraway seeds
Drizzle of beef au jus

The Hugh Darcy is served in a sourdough bread bowl or if you are gluten-free it can be in a bowl-shaped corn tortilla

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