I am continuing the project of interviewing my friends about why we’re not sleeping together. I talked to Sarah Adams on the phone, she lives in Olympia. I first met her as our roadie on the 2007 Sister Spit tour and I love her so much. I talked to Marcus on the instant messenger machine, which is why we went on so long. This is about half of our interview.
SARAH ADAMS
T: Sarah Adams, why aren’t we sleeping together?
S: I asked my guy to marry me this week, so my answer is that I am engaged.
T: No way that is so crazy!! I am so happy for you!
S: I made him orange juice and carrot soup for dinner and the soup was really terrible and I was just looking at him and I felt like I couldn’t wait another second so I asked and he teared up and said are you serious and he said yes and it was so cute and it basically means we’re going to have a ceremony by ourselves out in the woods. I feel like I have to stress that it’s not legal but of course I don’t, I don’t have to justify myself. We’re in love and we’re really happy and we’re going to get married. So that’s my answer. I think that having sex with you would really complicate my life. I have thought about having sex with you and I factored all the pros and cons and it’s a risk I almost took…my mouse was hovering over the send button when I was buying a ticket to go to San Francisco but I decided I was going to get married instead.
T: Well we must just each have fates that are not us sleeping together. So Sadams, as you look forward to marriage, do you have any magnificent thoughts on love you would like to share?
S: Well I just keep thinking about how easy it is to love my love, sex is easy, the fighting is easy, it all feels right and I just know that he is the one because I can’t imagine having that kind of relationship with anyone and my message to lovers is that love should feel easy and even the hard stuff should feel easy and you have to be each other’s best friend. So I don’t know.
T: I think that might extend to life, the easy thing. Less resistance, more flow. STOP CREATING PROBLEMS (I put that in later as I was correcting my frantic typing.).
S: I can hear the argument that there’s no challenge but of course there is, but you just hold hands and get through it together. Love is a game you play together and you have the same goals and I just feel supported. The story carries me and I don’t feel like I’m fighting for anything. And lord knows I’ve fought for some love.
T: Ugh.
S: Well I love you, Jepsen.
T: I love you too, Sadams. Thanks for talking to me from the warm embrace of your bath.
MARCUS EWERT
M: Go ahead, shoot some verbal ropes.
T: So Mary, why aren’t we sleeping together?
M: It’s such a good question! A good question because you have always turned me on, and I love smut talking with you. I love referencing my penis or your ladyparts as often as possible.
T: It’s true, there is never a time it’s not funny. The fact that you are such a feminist makes it all work.
M: I know! But to me, this is rare instance of funny not killing sexy.
T: yeah it really rides the line just right
M: Like, it’s still sexy grrrrowl even when we’re totally joshing
T: how did you become such a feminist?
M: I love my mom so much. And I saw early on what was bad for her was bad for me, and bad for the world. Because she’s just so loving. So anything that would squash that? Has gotta be baaaad.
T: Did you see things being bad for her ever?
M: Yeah. My dad was a dick to her while I was growing up. And not in a traditional straight guy way- but in a very catty bitchy gay guy way, though he’s not gay. But it was still fucked up male power. Hypnotizing, opaque, obfuscating…
T: God that sounds really hard to watch
M: Yeah it was really gross.
T: like you would just want to be the softest person in reaction
M: Kinda, yeah. I remember once there was this girl that I used to make out with. It was totally fun and hot making out with her but then once when we were getting it on- she reached down for my zipper- like she was gonna perform oralisms on me – and i was like “What are you doing? That’s so degrading TO YOU!!!”
T: This is awkward because I didn’t know you had any women before me.
M: you are my lady alpha and omega
T: ORALISMS
M: time’s in a mobius strip where we’re concerned! There’s no ‘before’ during’ nor after. Now- why aren’t you sleeping with me? Good feminists share the space of discourse.
T: Hmmmmmmmm. This is a very good question.
M: I can take it! Pound me.
T: I think I only know how to answer this honestly and thusly go deep into my actual love life so I’m going to skip it for now.
M: Let’s talk more about the sex life we would have if we could have.
T: Yes!! LOTS OF CANDLES.
M: I see myself as being very much like the tall male main character in the movie AWAY WE GO, in relation to your setting the gameplan Maya Rudolph. I picture me very supportively helping you go for hot guys like Amos and holding your breasts out of the way for you while you and our third person get it on kind of like a Lamaze daddy. I would be a great help in reminding you to breathe good.
T: JUST as much of a coach as a partner, a total fan.
M: shining the flashlight wherever you need me to, mopping your heaving bosom and forehead
T: helping me stay hydrated, freshening up my mouth guard.
M: very much so. Keeping the thermostat in the room just right. “Hey, are the fans blowing on you guys TOO MUCH?” I’d ask, rubbing balm around your wrist restraints, preventing chafing, DOULA TO YOUR PLEASURE.
T: I need the dagger version of you
M: Icecube to the lips. Girl, that’s who you’re screwing while I’m doing all this!