Good Morning and Good Choices!

Visiting Wisconsinite Anina Bacon sits on the couch before me, swaddled in about a billion blankets because it’s in the fifties and for the last century or so no one planned on the weather dipping below 80 degrees when they built these houses. Okay!

Anina made the choice with regard to some of her time off from school to come here and see what my wonderful life is like. We also further mined the realities of adult friendships and living with cats.

Tara: Anina! You are here! How would you describe your visit?

Anina: Sublime. It’s a lot colder than I had anticipated. I thought when i got off the plane, it would turn into 75 degrees and sunny and it didn’t. But I’ve gotten what I wanted: good conversation, good food, I took over East L.A., and we have even more yet to see.

T: Life is never what you think it’s going to be.

A: I also got a lot of kitty loving.

T: I have that in ABONDANZA ITALIAN FOOD CHAIN OLIVE GARDEN!! How soon after your arrival did we have a conversation about our class origins?

A: God it was in the car on the way home from the airport! It was, wasn’t it? Oh. We have been shaped by our pasts.

T: Can you provide a summary of this conversation?

A: NO.

T: Why?

A: It’s been constant and it would take way too long. Our Scandinavian past. Survivor guilt. Shame about doing well. Wanting approval, getting over it. Wanting to be liked, getting over it.

T: Think about it a second. Can you summarize in one sentence our class differences? You’re not going to hurt my feelings.

A: We both come from working class backgrounds. Your family has been successful, my family has struggled. Along with my struggle has come a resentment for people who do well. I have realized that I deserve to do well, and have money, and I’m learning not to resent other people. There is nothing wrong with me doing well.

T: I think being aware of your resentment, I chose to play down what privileges I’ve had, and that is just not honest or noble. I worried you would have a righteous rage at my money or beautiful hair or whatever and that I would have no defense and then not be able to justify my lifestyle without having to admit that my joy is eaten off the backs of the less fortunate. I think I am offering a radical definition of capitalism or something. Are we struggling with capitalism?? I don’t think that describes the HEART of this.

A: I don’t think we’re struggling with capitalism. However, I am going to shave your head in the middle of the night. I appreciate what you said, and I don’t feel this way about you, but I will always have a great dislike for those with over-developed senses of self-entitlement. People who are born into wealth and don’t understand those of us who work so hard to climb out of where we’re at. I do think it’s natural to feel this way. I don’t think that resentment should shape or is the final word on another person’s humanity or capability for being a good human and friend.

I remember a moment when I thought, “Wow, we are really different.” We were downstairs at Jenna’s house. Drinking champagne or something silly like that. One of her stereo speakers upstairs blew out. She was worried about replacing it. And you said, “Don’t you think it’s your parents’ responsibility to replace it for you?” I remember this very vividly. I knew if one of my speakers blew out, I would be responsible for earning the money and buying it myself. I just knew we came from very different places.

T: That makes me sound so wonderful and surely then I sped off in my Barbie Corvette. Did I spit on everyone in the room?

A: That certainly doesn’t define you as a human being. And we were not shaped humans, we were teenagers. But it does show differences in our upbringing.

T: It does. And it shows how boldly I chose to hold adult parents responsible for their children’s material pleasure. I mean, overall, it’s modest and does have Wisconsin flair for its privilege. Like you know that Tori Spelling would scoff at what we’re calling my personal privilege. Goddammit when will I stop living in that woman’s shadow?

Remember when we went to Barney’s at the Grove and I asked you to check your class issues at the door?

A: I do.

T: Did you love Barney’s?

A: I wanted to love it so much. I think what we saw was a tiny sampling of what they have to offer. There were some nice purses and I like their jewelry. I thought a lot of the clothes were not attractive and I think you bought the prettiest item there (a Helmut Lang sweater). I don’t have any class issues when it comes to clothing. I have no problem spending good money on something I know will last a long time, or something that I will wear over and over again. I would wear the shit out of that sweater.

T: But remember you balked at spending over a hundred dollars on jeans at Nordstrom’s (NOW do we sound like The Shahs of Sunset?)?

A: That is not the cheapest pair of jeans that I own. It’s hard for me to spend that money on clothes because it’s paid for with student loans. Making purchases that are not necessities, and new jeans are not a necessity, is just something that I feel cannot take priority right now.

T: Spoken like a true Scandinavian. We also got lipstick! Who wants to play with my boobs!

A: I do I do I do! I will say that red lipstick and finding that good shade is closer to a necessity than a good pair of jeans.

T: We are wonderful women. Remember the fake snow storm at the Grove?

A: Oh that was a love supreme. I thought it was so sweet and magical and I loved watching people’s reactions and I also thought, “Oh that’s so disgusting, what chemicals are falling on our face?” It was probably just soap or glycerin, but it was still unnatural and weird. Seeing the kids excited was awesome. Part of me wanted to stomp on their little dreams and tell them the snow would give them cancer, but I did not. Take that, innocence! I know that I have not been here that long, but it does seem to go perfectly with the suspension of disbelief you have to have to live in Los Angeles. Speaking of class. When you’re around the super-rich.

T: We’re all just leaving our bodies left and right. What are you going to do when you get home?

A: Get back to work. By that I mean write my thesis (Anina is in Physician’s Assistant school), I need to set up my last rotation, hopefully in Seattle. I want to frickin’ enjoy Christmas with my parents.

T: What day are you going to Olive Garden?

A: On Friday. I’m going to celebrate my mom’s retirement because she deserves it. And my step-dad’s birthday. My parents are a love supreme as well.

T: Wait one last thing. Remember when you commandeered my laptop and brought up a billion disgusting videos of things coming out of people’s skin?

A: That was at your request, sister. I’m not responsible for your…tiny little stomach. Or your lack of willpower and unwillingness to give in to the delight of grossness.

T: I live with so much regret every day. Videos I’ve watched, mean people I’ve tolerated, sports I didn’t learn earlier.

A: Are we geniuses?

T: In a certain sense of the word. Any summarizing statement or final thought?

A: Hmmm. I feel like my summarizing thought is nothing of genius. I think that we don’t really have that much of a choice of where we come from but our path is ours to make and we get to choose happiness. We’re responsible for our lives now. There’s no reason it can’t be brilliant. While this is no new crazy train of thinking, it’s harder to achieve than talk about. So easy to let things unfold in front of us rather than make them happen. OH! That’s that co-dependent thing! We’ll talk about that next time.

T: Our next installment: co-dependence! Check back every day!

Thanks for reading this thing. We’re going to drive to Venice now.