Good Day. Did you know that a person gets older every day? They do. Owing to the progression of my personal days, I am now 40 years old. Nice!!

Following is a compendium of all the knowledge I’ve gained in my 40 years, broken into categories.

CLOTHING

1. I am passionate about my one pair of enormous sweatpants. I could share them with a 55-year-old longshoreman who eats only donuts and carnitas and he OR SHE would find them quite roomy.
2. I would rather spend $300 on one incredible shirt than have fifteen okay shirts at a fraction of the price.

SPORTS

1. I salute all punks who perform the act of sports.
2. Skateboarding is for sure one of the best things to happen to me ever of my life bar none. Awesome friends, family, writing, snorkeling and cats are the only other things who are ranked this high.
3. Swimming is great.

BEING FOR AND AGAINST THINGS

1. It’s healthy.

AGING

1. The hell?
2. My skin is performing acts of sagging and wrinkling and it bums me out more than I ever ever thought it would. As a result, I am highly susceptible to those selling face creams and services.
3. The constantly increasing peace I acquire over the years (which I try to cut with a handsome rage streak) is worth every wrinkle. I have no desire to re-visit my younger years.
4. There are lots of vibrant humans with marriages, kids, and homes. It is no one’s fate to be boring or to mimic a 50’s ideal of suburbia. That only lead to shitty marriages and Alzheimers (canned food) anyway.

CHILDREN

1. In general I am a huge fan of kids. They tend to want to have fun and throw their bodies around more than most adults. That said, no one is a genius for having one. They are just a parent and a person. I am lucky to have people like Beth and Victor and Yong-Ki around me being awesome parents and the most fun humans possible AT THE SAME TIME!!! Up with people!
2. I am afraid I will never want my Mommy so badly as if I ever have a kid.
3. I feel like underfunded public schools and hyper-vigilant parenting will be the demise of the American work force.

LOVE

1. Oh god I love love!!
2. You cannot make another person happy. They have to want to be happy and be able to make themselves happy already.
3. The person you love should always have your back.
4. That thing about the quality you fall for being the thing that later frustrates you most seems to have some truth to it. Although I did fall for someone because they were a skater and adventurer and those things, I assure you, were not why our relationship didn’t work.
5. I will never give up on love but I will stop actively looking for it. It just never seems to bring RESULTS. Does love find everyone in the end? No. Even if you have cats? Well, then your odds increase dramatically. Dogs? Love is guaranteed. But you sacrifice the dramatic indifference cats so wholeheartedly deliver.

Am I starting to sound like an email my mom would forward from her iPad where her name is misspelled in her header?

Who cares. Only ten people read this thing anyway.

TERRIBLE THINGS I STAY AWAY FROM

1. People who are mean or rude to my face.
2. Dark streets at night
3a. Random drunks
3b. Known drunks
4. Drugs beyond the booze and doobie dome
5. Alcohol when I’m sad
6. Non-cotton undies (unless they’re lace/ventilated)
7. Chemical deodorants
8. Futons

FOOD

1. Eat when you’re hungry if possible
2. Food should not be bedfellows with bad feelings.
3. Eat healthy shit plus french fries and gluten-free baked goods sometimes. Eat an unthinkable amount of popcorn.
4. Don’t bother being mad when juices and smoothies are expensive otherwise you will be mad always.
5. Vietnamese spring rolls are some of the best food ever. Vietnamese food in general is righteous.

Is there anything else I should mention?

SUMMARY

Skateboarding: YES
Jerks: NO